Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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