so that wasnt chicken after all
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
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omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
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I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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