I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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