We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
