youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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