we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
