he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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