Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
