Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
