there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
