you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Randomize
