she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
