i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
