Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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