very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
