Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
