My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
