dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
one two three fourrrrnication!
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
