i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Randomize
