any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
