and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
