you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
