I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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