I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
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