Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
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