When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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