Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
