we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
