You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
