I just saw a hot homeless man
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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