maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
