I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Are we still banned from the library?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I'm having to shit out rocks
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