I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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