You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
