my vag is so smooth its legendary
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
