hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
We left the knife in your bed.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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