I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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