im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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