chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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