Got a toothbrush?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I got inside last night via doggy door
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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