dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
