this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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