He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
