Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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