Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
