I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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