I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Randomize
