I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
