i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
