Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
