I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
