so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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