They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
