You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
