Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
