my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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