Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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