Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I could fuck to npr.
Randomize
