I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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