i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
