Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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