The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
there is puke in my bra ... again
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
