We won't sleep together?
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
