I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
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