I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
