I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
That was an excessively violent trivia night
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
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