Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
