WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize