We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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